Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A bitchslap is in order.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
