so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were trust falling into bushes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
