R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
