There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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