i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
