chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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