I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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