Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
