I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
