this just has baby written all over it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
