im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
