if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
