I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
