Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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