just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
