Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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