I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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