Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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