I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Semen is not good for contacts.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
