Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
