shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
