I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Terrible idea I love it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
