a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
