This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
