final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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