no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
