Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
