I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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