I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
