Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
