At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
