Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
