the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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