I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
