I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
