She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
