i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
