Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize