lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
