Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
