i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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