so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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