Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
