you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
