if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
