I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
