Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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