Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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