Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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