By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
