I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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