I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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