I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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