Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
