You can't special order awesome
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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