My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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