Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
