You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
