alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize