we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
