Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
