shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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