There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I party with great urgency now.
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