you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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