even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Less talking, more tequila
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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