Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have tasted many bathrooms
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
