he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
