She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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