i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
