dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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