the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
