Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
