who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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