How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
