the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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