Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
