Someone shit on the floor
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize