I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
